


Panic attacks and Confessions

by clockworkasshole



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Crying, Cute, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Grinding, Love Confessions, M/M, Panic Attacks, Smut, They call each other baby a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-02-05 04:52:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1805962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkasshole/pseuds/clockworkasshole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calum gets panic attacks and Michael's always there to help him breath again, and to give him a little bit of lovin' as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Panic attacks and Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: wordsandagirl

Calum didn't know when he started to get panic attacks; all he knows is that he can't stop them once they start. The band is set to go on stage in 45 minutes, and Calum starts to feel the familiar lump in throat and the swirl in his stomach, he looks around before storming towards the bathroom to try and calm down before he gets so worked up that he can't breathe. 

His vision begins to blur as he slams the door shut and slides down to the floor. He's trying to catch his breath but that's making it worse, he barely hears the sound of the door being slammed against over the sound of his heart pounding and his heaving.  
"Calum, open the door, are you okay!" Ashton yelled over the banging. He needs Michael, Michael knows how to calm him down, always has. He never understood how Michael could do it, but just being with Michael calmed him down.  
"I need Michael, get me Michael" Calum breathed. He swore he stopped breathing when he heard Luke tell Ashton he didn't know where Michael was. And that's when Calum started to  
Cry. Luke starting banging on the door again after hearing sobs from Calum.  
"You're going to be alright Cal. Ashton's gone to get Mikey, he will be here soon it's okay, just breath Cal" Luke was muttering through the door, it didn't help Calum much, but at least he knew Michael was on his way. 

Ashton was sprinting down the corridor backstage, yelling Michael's name, he got half way when he hears Michael's yell back. Ashton was soon faced with a wide eye Michael Clifford. He was sitting on the couch with Harry and Liam, Ashton thinks they were playing FIFA but his mind was on Calum and getting Michael to Calum.  
"Calum needs you, he's fucking freaking out and he wants you, we don't know what the fuck happened but he won't open the door and he needs you Michael" Ashton spoke so fast that it surprised him that Michael got any of it, but when it comes to Calum he hears everything.  
“Shit, where is he" Ashton is pretty certain that he has never seen or heard Michael so scared and determined. Ashton started to run out the door again, knowing that Michael was right behind him. They reached the door to find Luke sitting against it. Michael heard a soft sigh of relief leave Luke’s lips as he mutters,  
“Mikey’s here Cal” and sat up and walked towards Ashton and holds out his hand  
“Come on Ash, let’s go and get ready” Luke whispered to Ashton as they walked out of the room together.

“Cal, baby, I’m here. Wanna open the door for me” Michael whispered, leaning against the door. A small smile crosses his face when he hears the lock click open, but it is vanished when he hears Calum sniffle. The bathroom is dark, all the lights are off, and Michael steps in and closes and locks the door behind him. He looks down to see Calum with his head between his thighs and heaving. Michael leans down and moves his hand to run his fingers through Calums hair. He looks up at Michael and sniffles again. His hand travels to Calums cheeks and he slowly brushes his fingers over them. Calums shaking hands come up to put them over Michaels, his breathing is picking up again, and his eyes go wide. Michael’s first instinct was to take Calum into his arms and rock him slowly.  
“What’s wrong baby, what happened,” Michael whispered into Calum’s ear. Michael’s trying  
To stop him from freaking out again; Michael can feel him shaking his head to tell him that he wasn’t ready to speak about it. Michael starts to lean back, but Calum clings to him.  
“Don’t go, please don’t leave me,” Calum cried out, voice breaking at the end, pushing his body more into Michaels, so he’s straddling his waist.

“I’m not going anywhere, but we have to go on stage soon, so you need to tell me what’s up” Michael’s voice was quiet and calm. Calum hesitated but leaned back and looked at Michael’s face, his face was a little blurry due to their closeness, but he sighed and leaned his forehead against Michael’s and took a deep breath.  
“I- I don’t know, I was just standing there and it was like an anchor was dropped on me and I couldn’t see straight or breath and I had to get out of there Mikey, I couldn’t handle it. It was too much, too many people, and you weren’t there, I didn’t know where you were,”  
He breathed out, refusing to look Michael in the eyes, embarrassed all of a sudden.  
“That makes me sound so clingy, I’m sorry. You have a clingy best friend,” his eyes are watering up all over again. Michael closes his eyes for a moment and puts his hand on Calums face again, cupping it and moving his thumb to brush his non-existence scruff. 

“M’here now, I’m not going anywhere, I’ll always be here baby,” Michael spoke close his mouth, their foreheads still touching. Calum finally starts to slowly regulate his breathing, he is still shaking, but Michael is pretty sure that the longer that he holds the boy the more it will calm him down. Michael’s eyes went from Calums eye to his lips, all glossy and red from where he was biting and licking them. He heard Calums sharpened breath when he moved his fingers to brush over his lips.

“You’re so fucking beautiful Cal,” Michael whispered, leaning forward, tilting his head. Calum has stopped breathing, closing his eyes leaning forward as well, he can feel Michaels breath on his lips, they’re lips are so close, he can feel the warmth radiating off Michael. They lips were just about to touch when the knocking on the door interrupted them.  
“Cal, Mikey, we’re on stage in 10 minutes, we need to get ready” Luke spoke loud and clear, wanting them to hear him. Michael sighed and leaned back, slowly looked Calum up and down; Calum could feel the blush rushing up from his neck.  
“Are you okay to go? We can stay in here a little bit longer if you want,” Michael questioned, patting Calums thighs that are still around his waist. Calum wasted no time retracting them and standing up, Michael sighed and stood up as well; he slotted his arm around Calums waist and pulled him close. Michael opened the door and walked them out. He put his head into Michaels shoulder when people started to look at them, also becoming aware of his bright red blotchy face from all his crying. He groans into Michaels shoulder and Michael looks down and smiles, leaning in and places a long lingering kiss on Calums forehead. Calums cheek went an even brighter colour and he smacked Michael’s chest while giggling And Michael jumped at that.  
“That’s more like it; I like giggly Calum more than sad Calum!” Michael practically shouted. Calum thinks that Michaels smile could light up an entire room if he tried. 

They made it to the room to see Ashton straddling Luke’s waist. Calum is pretty sure they were just making out, but it’s hard to tell because Ashton sits on them all like that.  
“Having fun boys?” Michael yelled, with a full blown smirk on his face. The loud voice must have startled the two poor boys as Ashton flew of Luke’s lap and Luke sat up straight with a blush on his face. Ashton coughed while standing up.  
“How are you feeling Cal, you ready to go on stage?” He came over to give Calum a hug, but that meant letting go of Michael, and Calum didn’t want to do that, so he simply yelled  
“Group hug, come on Lukey, and give me some of your sugar that Ashton loves so much.” It was Luke’s turn to start coughing but he didn’t say anything just came over and piled on top of the boys. 

“5sos you’re on in 5” The lady said as she popped her head through the door. They all broke apart and left to get there instruments. But before Calum could leave the room, Michael grabbed his arm and pulled him into another hug.  
“Come on Mikey, we can cuddle afterwards we have to be on stage in like 3 minutes,”  
Calum spoke into Michael’s shoulder. But all Michael did was tighten his hold.  
“I love you a fuck load Cal” he whispered as he let go and started to walk out,  
“Love you too hot stuff” Calum yelled, and a smile spread on his face when he heard that familiar loud laugh.

They were almost at the end of their set when they started to play Amnesia. Calum didn’t know why this particular song of theirs affected him so much, but it did. He rarely felt too emotional on stage, so when Michael heard a little crack in his vocals he wasted no time on strolling over to him while playing his guitar. Calum didn’t look up, knowing Michael would be right there; he refused to show Michael the tears in his eyes. Michael must have known as well, because not even a second later he felt of warm lips on his cheek and the crowed screaming even louder. Calum could do nothing but stand there and calm his blush, and maybe calm down another body part that liked Michael’s attention. 

When they finished the set and it was One Directions time to go one stage, the boys all drag Calum into the van and set off to the hotel. Ashton and Luke stormed into the hotel without stopping to sign or take pictures with the fans. Michael and Calum stepped out and went to the fans, they only stayed for a bit because Calum was beyond exhausted and just wanted to cuddle and sleep with his Mikey. 

“Can we room together please?” Calum mumbled as they started to walk into the hotel, Michael looked over at him and smiled.  
“Babe, I don’t think we would have had a choice, do you think they just ‘cuddle’ naked when we go to their room in the morning, they’ve been banging for months.” Michael smirked down at Calum and Calum whined,  
“I know that Mike, they’re not as quiet as they think they are. Did they not know that their room is right next to ours? Their dirty talk is gross,” that punched a loud chuckle from Michael as he went and get the keys for their room. When he returned, he wanted to continue the conversation.  
“I know right, our dirty talk is so much dirtier” Michael said, like it was the most casual thing for him to say to his best friend. Those few words made Calums heart pound and his pants tighten. He didn’t realise that he had stopped walking until Michael turned around and held out his hand and beckoned Calum to hold it.

The hotel room looks like all the others, but one thing was different about this one.  
“There’s only one bed?” Calum tried not to sound shocked, he knew that they would sleep together anyway, but he would always look at the other bed as an excuse for Michael not to sleep with him.  
“Yeah, I thought we were sharing tonight; I can sleep on the floor if you want “Michael yawned, walking out of the bathroom with only his pink boxers on; that made Calum snort.  
“Nice boxers” Michael looked the opposite of offended, all he did was turn around and shake his tiny ass and that made Calum smile. 

“I’m going for a shower, wanna join me” and Calum knows that it was a joke; they do this all the time, friendly teasing. But the thing was, before they got big and it was just him and Michael, they would do everything together, even shower. And sometimes Calum misses the way he could put his head on Michael’s shoulder and feel Michael scrub shampoo in his hair, he misses being that close to Michael.  
“I might actually, need someone to wash my hair for me” Calum smiled while chucking his bag on the bed and grabbing his towel.  
“Does this mean I can grope your butt and you won’t punch me?” Michael yelled from the bathroom, not even a second later he could hear the water running. All Calum did was laugh and start undressing himself while walking into the bathroom, that was already beginning to fog up. 

Calum finished stripping and opened the glass door. He couldn’t see Michael for a few seconds because of the fog, but as soon as he did his breath got caught in his throat. He had his head thrown back under the water and Calum could see the little droplets run down his lips and Adams apple. He took a deep breath and put his arms around Michael’s waist, hugging him. Without a word, Michael switched their position so Calum was under the spray of the water. Calum let go of Michael’s waist so he could close his eyes and run his fingers through his hair. When he opened his eyes up, Michael had his back to him, looking through his toiletry bag for the shampoo and conditioner. Calum gave himself the privilege to stare at Michael’s small pale ass before he had to look away before he got caught. He tried to hide his heavy breathing because he was getting hard over his best friends ass, and that was not okay. Michael finally found them both and moved Calum out of the water. Calum went back to his original position of the shower, with his arms around Michael’s waist and head on his wet shoulder.  
“You’re making it difficult for me to wash your hair when half of it is hiding” Michael whispered in his ear. And if Calum felt a shiver go through him he would not tell a soul about it.  
“Sorry Mikey,” Calum mumbled lifting his head up, he shut his eyes as he felt Michael put shampoo in his hair.  
“You’re lucky you’re cute, I wouldn’t do this for anyone else” Michael muttered as he started scrubbing his fingers through Calums hair. Calum didn’t mean to let the moan slip, he really didn’t, but with his body being so close to Michael’s and the way Michael is running his fingers through his hair, it’s just too much for him and he couldn’t hold it in. Michael gripped Calums hair a little harder and then switched the position so he could rinse the shampoo out. 

He was just about done when Calum felt soft lips on his throat, he slowly started to lift his head, but the kisses just travelled with him, now at his neck. Calum sucked in a shaky breath. Michael knew that his neck was his sweet spot. He found that out years ago, while they were still in high school and getting shoved into a cupboard for 7 minutes. They only kissed for 3 minutes and the rest of the time was spent trying to figure out how to make the other hard before the time was up. Both boys had figured it out by the end, Calum likes his neck being kissed and bitten, and Michael loves getting his hair pulled and back scratched. 

Calum pulled Michael closer by the waist, and slowly started to move his hips. Michael let out a small moan and kissed further up Calums neck. He could feel Michael getting hard against him and Calum smiled and grounded his hips harder into Michael’s. That punched a small moan out of Michael and he retailed be biting and sucking Calums neck.  
“Fuck,” He cried out and dragged his nails down Michael’s back.  
“Fuck, fuck can we not do this in the shower please, shit.” Michael whimpered and turned the water off. Calum still had one arm around his waist and the other digging into his shoulder, his hips were still moving in an extricating slow way. That had Michael whimpering into Calums shoulder. Michael finally put his arm around Calums waist and put his hand on Calums cheek forcing Calum to look at Michael. His hips stop moving and he just stares into Michael’s eyes. Michael lifted his chin up and dipped down to finally connect their lips. A soft sigh left Calums mouth as he kissed him back. He could feel Michael smile into the kiss then lean back, but Calum has waited to long for this to just be a peck, so he grips Michael’s hair and drags his lips back to his. Michael groaned and he grounded his hips back into Calums as he opened his mouth to allow Calums tongue in. they were both whimpering into each other’s mouth as they grinded against each other.  
“I thought you said you didn’t want to do this in the shower” calum whispered against Michael’s lips, biting it softly.  
“You keep distracting me” and he bends his knees and grips the back of Calums thighs lifting him up, Calum squeals and grips his thighs against Michael’s thin waist.  
“I swear to God Michael Clifford if you drop me you will never ever be allowed to go anywhere near my mouth again,” Calum shouted as Michael stepped out of the shower and towards the room.  
“You know, when you carry someone, they usually kiss you the way there, not scold them because you think they’re going to drop you” Michael laughed as he sat Calum down on the bed. The sheets are cold, due to the fact that they are still soaking wet.  
“You are the weakest person in this band, there was no way I was going to distract you while my life was literally in your hands” he giggled as he moved up the bed and Michael smiled at that and move forward to hover over Calums wet and cold body. 

“well you didn’t die so what’s my reward?’ Michael murmured as he went back to kissing Calums neck. Calum was having trouble breathing, this was so much. He ended up wrapping his legs around Michael’s waist to bring him down so they can continue to grind on each other.  
“Fuck, kiss me Mikey, do something. Wanted this for so long” Calum whimpered as Michael was now biting and sucking his collar bones.  
“You’re so fucking beautiful Cal; I can barely keep my hands off you,” Michael’s lips travelled to his cheek then softly to kiss lips, their lips are barely touching. Calm lifts his hips into Michaels and kiss him harder, full of passion and want.  
“I want you to fuck me Michael; I want to drag my nails down your back and pull your hair because you’re fucking me so good that I can’t control what I’m doing. I want the only thing I can think about is how I won’t be able to walk for days because I can still feel you inside me.” They’re both crying out now, moaning into each other’s mouth.  
“Fucking hell, do you have anything with you?” Michael moan, bitting the other side of Calums neck.  
“Y-yes, my bag I always have lube. I finger myself when I think about you. I like to imagine it’s your fingers, and that I will get your cock soon. But I always cum before that, because I never end up getting your cock.” Calum moaned as Michael climbed off him. He can hear Michael panting as he quickly goes through Calums bag grabbing out a condom and his bottle of lube.  
“You want this yeah? Want me to open you up with my fingers, get you so hot and heavy that you will be a moaning mess when you finally get my cock, is that right? Huh baby, you want my cock.” Michael’s voice has dropped low and seductive. Calum has never heard him like this, and it is seriously making him even harder than he was before,  
“Fuck yes Mikey; want your cock, waited so long please.” Calum runs his fingers through Michael’s hair and he moves down Calums body. He whines when Michael stops but it is quickly replaced with a moan as Michael takes his nipple in his mouth and starts to suck and nibble at it and Calums squirming under him. He’s unable to keep the small noises in, Michael swaps to the other nipple and Calum gasps for air, and a bead of pre-come blurts out and Michael fucking giggles and continues kissing down his stomach.  
“I’m keeping that for future reference by the way” Michael mumbles as he softly kisses Calums thighs.  
“How about you just hurry the fuck up, wanker” Calum gasps out as Michael bites the inside of his thigh. Michael completely ignores him and continues to kiss his thighs. Calum didn’t even hear him open the lube, but next thing he feels a finger rubbing against his hole, and he gasps and opens his legs further.  
“Please baby,” Calum gasped out as Michael’s finger starts to slowly disappear into Calums body. Michael kisses his way back up a Calums body as he starts to move his finger. Michael runs his hand up and down Calums body but ends up lacing it with Calums as he adds another finger.  
“Taking my fingers so well baby, imagine how you’ll take my cock” He whispered as he bit his ear and calum pushed back on his fingers wanting more.  
“More, more Mikey” Calum groaned, fucking back on Michael’s fingers, Michael quickly adds another one and calum moaned a little to load, and Michael starts giggling.  
“W-what’s so funny” Calum groans out as Michael picks up the pace of his fingers.  
“Ash and Luke will finally understand how we feel when they fuck loudly” Michael giggled again.  
“Babe, how about we don’t talk about our best friends while you’re fucking me with your fingers” Calum sighed then gasped for air as Michael’s fingers brushed his prostate,  
“Fuck, baby there, fuck” Calum is completely groaning and panting now,  
“Need your cock, please shit. You’re so big and I need you so much” Calum is fucking himself on Michaels fingers, he quietly cries out as Michael removes them. Michael shuts him up with a hard kiss while he opens the condom. Calum steals it because he hasn’t touched Michael’s penis since year 10 and that had been an accident back then.  
“Fucking hell Cal” Michael groans as Calum slowly rolls the condom on and putting too much lube on. Calum grabs Michael’s face and kisses him as Michael lines himself up before pushing into Calum slowly. They both groan as Michael bottoms out. Michael is softly kissing all over Calums face as he slowly starts to pull out again. He looks at calum for permission and he nods his head. Michael starts off slow, making sure that he’s not hurting Calum in any way, but then Calum groans and tells him to pick up the pace. And Michael can tell he has found Calums bundle of nerves because he has never heard him moan so loud and broken, he’s now meeting with Michael’s thrusts. He wraps his legs around Michael’s waist to get him closer and Michael groans.  
“Fucking hell Cal, I love you so much” Michael moans as he kisses Calum with all he has.  
“How about you say that again when you’re not fucking me” moans backs and drags his nails down Michael’s back multiple times and pulls his hair to kiss him again. Calum cannot stop moaning Michael’s name now that he has found that spot in him and is hitting dead on. Michael slips his hand between them and starts to jerk him off, until he is Cumming with a shout of Michael’s name. Michael finally losses it as soon as Calum grips his hair and drags his nails down his back. 

Once they both have calmed down, Michael carefully slides out while Calum groans at the emptiness. He takes the condom off and chucks it in the bin and grabs a hand full of tissues to clean Calum up. Michael lifts the blanket and hops under it, waiting to be joined by Calum. Calum sighs and lifts the blanket as well, sliding next to Michael. He drags calum so that their legs are tangled and Calums head his resting on his chest.  
“What does this make us Mikey?” Calum asked half asleep.  
“I hope this makes you mine, because I’ve loved you for a long time,” Michael yawned and cuddled closer to Calum.  
“That makes you sound so possessive, ‘you’re mine’ but I understand. Tell me you love me in the morning because you might be saying that just because I gave you an amazing orgasm, Night boyfriend” he mumbled into Michaels shoulder.  
“Night boyfriend” Michael said with a huge smile spread across his face. 

Calum did not want be woken up with cold water on his face, but that’s what he got, but it’s okay because he can hear Michael groan and shiver as well, so it’s not just him.  
“What the fuck are you guys doing, piss off. We’re trying to sleep” Michael spoken with the tinge of tiredness still lingering in his voice, it made Calum smile.  
“Oh, I bet you guys are, maybe you guy are so tired because you were literally fucking each other all night. Our room is literally right next to yours. Calum is not quit in bed. I could have lived my life perfectly okay without knowing what Calum sounds like when he’s Cumming.” Ashton yelled at the two boys, pouring more water on them. Michael mumbles about it sounding really hot but no one listens to him. Calum decides that it was a good idea to open his eyes and pitch in on this conversation.  
“Mikey and I have heard both of you cum before, multiple times. So shut the fuck up you hypocrites. You don’t think we see you guys limping all the damn time” Calums spoke lifting his head from Michaels shoulder to look at the other boys. Michael started cackling when both boys turn bright red and stutter out an answer.  
“So basically everyone in the band is fucking each other. We are literally a gay band. Holy shit what has my life become” Michael yells dramatically, Calum turns to face him and to hit his chest,  
“Hey I’m banging my boyfriend whom I love, I’m not fucking anyone else in this band” Calum states like it’s obvious, but it’s not apparently because Michael’s eyes go wide and he yells,  
“I was supposed to say that before you asshole. Because you wouldn’t allow it post orgasm” Michael yelled back.  
“Ew, ew. Lukey take me away I don’t want to listen to this mushy shit” Ashton yells at Luke. Because it 8am and this is what the boys do at this time in the morning, yell at each other.  
“Babe, we tell each other this stuff every morning, it’s nothing different” Luke spoke like a normal person, but all the boys fall quiet and stare and him shocked.  
“You asshole, you weren’t supposed to tell them like that, they’re going to hate us because we’ve been hiding our relationship” Ashton slaps Luke across the arm and he winces.  
“They were going to find out anyway, they already knew we were fucking” Luke spoke calmly. Ashton blushes and pours the rest of the water on Luke and leaves the room, giggling to himself. Luke stares at the open door for a few more seconds before looking at the drenched boys in bed. 

“We are really sorry about hiding are ‘thing’ to you guys, we were just scared and you were dealing with your own shit. But we are really happy that you guys have finally worked it out” Luke spoke too fast, but they all understood him and nodded their heads and made him leave the room so they can get dressed.  
Calum had just done up his jeans when he felt Michael’s arms around his waist and kissing his bruised neck. Calum couldn’t stop the smile that was spread on his face.  
“Hey guess what?” Michael spoke quietly in his ear  
“What, babe” replied equally quite.  
“I go the man of my dreams and the band of my dreams and nothing is going to take those things away from me. I’m going to be there whenever you have a panic attack or you feel scared or hopeless. I’m going to be there on your good days and your bad days, because that’s what you do for the people you love. And I love you so much that I can’t breathe properly sometimes when I look into your eyes for too long, you’re going to kill me one day with your beauty” Michael spoke slow and clear, making sure Calum hear every word.  
“I feel like you just proposed to me and it’s only been a day, at least give it a week babe, don’t want to give to many people heart attacks on the first day” Calum giggled and turned around and kissed Michael.  
“I love you too, you loser” he said into Michael’s lips  
“And I will marry you one day, loser” kissing Calum again.


End file.
